The Scrivener's Jest

I like place holders in time. I like having moments set aside for reflection. While too much introspection can be stultifying, too little is far worse. It is not always easy, especially in troubled times, but that is exactly when you need to pause, take time, evaluate, and decide if the path you are on is the path on which you should remain.

This is a normal day. There is nothing special about it to most, but to me it is a marker of another year. I consider a June birthday lucky because it is a midpoint in the year. I can look forward and back on this year and on this life and consider it all.

I am getting older. A part of me fears that. I hear a voice in my head that tells me it is too late. I have had my chances and all that is left is a slow decline into nothingness. That may be.

But there is another voice, far louder, which says, “Fuck that! It is not too late until I am dead, and then I don't really care.” I don't live my life according to the rules of those around me. I tried it, once. Did the whole “American Dream” in my 20s. I was absolutely miserable.

Too late? By what metric? Oh no! I will never be rich and famous. That's okay, I've seen and known too many of the rich and famous. Their lives are awful. I'll take my obscurity thank you very much, and while I would never mind a bit more money, I'm not willing to sacrifice who I am and what I believe in to get it. I tried that too for awhile. There is nothing worse than earning money for some asshole shareholder while doing a job that, at best, means nothing and, at worst, actively makes the world worse.

I know I am lucky that I can make that choice; since I can, why would I not? Sure, I'll never be rich, but I can still look at myself in the mirror and wake up feeling good about who I am. That is worth a lot more in my book.

Too late? It's never to late to learn and to grow. It's never too late to take on a new challenge or to embrace a new path. Cowards stand still and blame the world as it flies by. I may fail a thousand times, but at least I keep moving. When that end does come, and my final place holder is checked, it does not matter where I ended. All that really matters is the path I took to get there.